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Cannabis and Relationships: 

Talking with Partners Who Don't Use

Author: Katherine Pretorius


So, you're in a relationship where one of you enjoys cannabis, and the other? Well, not so much. Maybe your partners just not interested, maybe they're on the fence, or maybe they're a hard "no thanks." Whatever the case, relationships thrive on honesty, compromise, and a little bit of humour when things get awkward—and yes, that includes talking about cannabis.

Let's explore ways to keep this conversation smooth and supportive without accidentally turning date night into Debate Club.

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First things first—why do you use cannabis? Sharing your reason can be a game-changer, whether it's to ease chronic pain, help manage stress or unwind after a long day. For a lot of people, it's not just about "getting high." It could be something you turn to for balance, relaxation, or even creative inspiration. Being upfront about it can help your partner understand why it's important to you.

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And while you're at it, ask your partner why they're not into it. Some people may have had bad experiences, while others might worry about side effects or legal implications. Your partner could also have cultural or family influences shaping their view on cannabis. Listen with an open mind, even if their answer doesn't align with your views.

This is one of those times when transparency is your best friend. A quick "Hey, how do you feel about cannabis?" can set the stage for a relaxed, pressure-free conversation. Be ready to answer questions, and—just as important—try not to get defensive if they express concerns.
If you're nervous about the talk, it can help to start with a low-stakes setting. You could mention it during a quiet moment at home or on a casual walk, rather than in front of all your friends at a braai. And remember, it's a conversation, not a sales pitch. You're not trying to convert anyone; you're just helping them understand where you're coming from.

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Once you've shared your thoughts, it's time to talk boundaries. These aren't strict rules but more like respectful guidelines you both agree on. Your partner may be okay with you using at home rather than during social events with their friends or family. Or maybe they'd rather you not use it when spending quality time together.

Boundaries are all about making sure both of you feel comfortable. You could set small things like having a designated spot for use or agreeing on certain "cannabis-free" days. The idea is to find balance so neither of you feels like you're being asked to give up your values or interests.

Let's face it—cannabis has its fair share of stereotypes, and some can be hard to shake. Your partner might worry that using cannabis will lead to dependency or that you'll turn into a stereotypical stoner. If that's the case, sharing accurate information can go a long way.

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Cannabis affects people differently, and moderate, mindful use is entirely possible. If your partner's open to learning more, you can share some basics about the different strains, THC vs. CBD, or how dosages work. You don't need to pull out a PowerPoint presentation—just a little real talk about how cannabis fits into your lifestyle can help ease any anxiety or doubts.

There may be times when cannabis causes some friction, like if you overdo it on a night out or your partner feels neglected when you're enjoying a solo sesh. When these conflicts arise, try to see things from their perspective. Being proactive is key. For example, if your partner seems uneasy about your habits, offer to tone down your usage in situations that are important to them.

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And if they're upset? Take a deep breath, and don't jump straight to, "You're overreacting!" Instead, try, "I hear you—I can see how that might have bothered you. Let's talk about it." A little empathy goes a long way in showing that you care about their comfort, not just your cannabis.

The Art of Compromise (or Finding Middle Ground)
In relationships, the name of the game is compromise. If you're using cannabis daily and they're not thrilled, maybe dial it back to just weekends. Or, if they don't like the smell, try vaping or edibles instead. Sometimes, the solution is as simple as being willing to meet each other halfway.

Compromise isn't a sign that anyone's "won." It's about respecting each other's preferences while finding a setup you can both live with. And don't forget—if it's feeling tricky, remind yourself why you're doing it: because your partner matters to you.

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Trust, Patience, and All That Good Stuff
Trust is the bedrock of any relationship, cannabis or not. When your partner sees that you're willing to talk openly and respect their boundaries, that trust grows stronger. And in time, they may become more comfortable with cannabis being part of your life.

If you're the cannabis user, try to be patient and give them the space they need to process. Remember, it's new territory for them, and adjusting takes time. At the end of the day, supporting each other's choices—even the ones you don't entirely understand—is what healthy relationships are all about.

Bottom Line: It's About Respect, not "Winning"
Cannabis in a relationship isn't about convincing anyone or changing their mind. It's about making room for each other's choices in a way that doesn't feel like a compromise of who you are. By approaching the topic with humour, understanding, and respect, you'll set the stage for a relationship where both of you feel valued—whether or not cannabis has a place in it.

Relationships aren't easy, and neither is talking about cannabis. But with a little bit of empathy (and maybe a stash of snacks, just in case), you've got all you need to make it work.